Draws

When I tell people we are doing draws, they always ask, what is that? It’s more of a name we made up for the day we pay bills. Yes, we pay all our bills on one day. It is usually the fifth day of the month. I dread this day more than slow drivers, long prayers, and baked apples all put together. In short, I would rather be driven cross country by an old women eating nothing but baked apples and listening to the 24 hour prayer station. Than to participate in draws. The day usually starts early when the mail is dropped off so I can get started. The mail consists of the all the mail that has been stacking up at the post office for the last month and fills several crates. I try to have the mail sorted in a couple of hours. About this time “The Boss” comes in. This is about the only time he comes to the shop. I am set up in the front office and have invoices spread all across every flat surface and on the floor. “The Boss” starts to get his computer set up and I get everything stacked by category and we begin. It’s a long and boring process, I sit across from him and I hand him an invoice, he enters the information and hands it back. I prepare an envelope and stack the paid invoices by category. It goes on like this all day and into the night. Except for this time.
It started out like the regular painful draws I have learned to hate. We had been working for about an hour when the guy next door walk in. We said hello and started some small chit chat. He didn’t say anything until he reached the desk. From out of nowhere he set a gallon paint can on the corner of the desk. We stared at it, not sure what he was doing. Both “The Boss” and I shared a confused look, and I started to ask what the can was for. Before I could finish he reached in is pocket and pulled it out and held it over the can. I instantly new what he had, but I wasn’t sure “The Boss” did. It was a piece of 1 inch PVC pipe about four inches long with a cap on each end. From the center a green braided fuse exited the pipe. The moment he flicked the lighter in his other hand my heart began to race. With a voice that was dead serious he said “I suggest you *%?kers run.” There was no mistaking he meant what he said when he lit the fuse and dropped it in the can and headed for the door. Time seamed to slow for moment as I debated in my head what had just happened. Would he have really done that? At first I thought there was no way he would do that, but then again, I could see him doing that. He is not that crazy? “The Boss” is here, he wouldn’t really do that, maybe that means he really would. I finally made up my mind, I think he really did what I think he did. I stood and headed for the doorway. I past the guy next door and when I reached the door and turned the corner there was the rest of the guys from the shop standing in the hall trying not laugh. I turned to see what “The Boss” was going to say. I saw him pick up the can and with one motion open the front door and with a underhand fast pitch fling the can out of the front door of the office. It flew over the grass and rolled under his own car. He stood there at the front window, pulling the blinds apart, waiting for what he was sure was going to be a big mess. The rest of the group in the hall couldn’t contain themselves any more. And with the resounding laughter “The Boss” and I realized they used a dummy and we had been had. At which time he picked up his chair and we went straight back to work.